Lift Things. Be a Pussy. Don’t Get Injured.

       Here are 4 ways to not make sure that you don’t break yourself when you start lifting weights. That’s as good an intro as you’re going to get. As Don Cherry always says: “LET’S GO!!!!”

Be a Pussy.

       When you are a beginner you can increase the weight of your main lifts (Squat, Deadlift, Bench) 5-10 pounds each workout and still maintain proper technique. Your body has never lifted heavy weights before and therefore adapts rapidly to this new stimulus. This rapid growth, if facilitated correctly, can go on for up to a year before you reach a point where your gains plateau.

       

Probably like his third week lifting.

       However, if you try to be a hero you can screw this process up. One way to screw this up is to increase the weight that you are using too quickly. It is tempting after doing an easy set of 5 to crank the weight up by 20 pounds instead of the usual 5-10 because A. You don’t want to look like a pussy in front of your workout partner. B. You don’t want to look like a pussy in front of that girl in the free weight section which every guy has been staring at for the past half hour and C. You don’t want to look like a pussy in front of the guys staring at that girl in the free weight section.

       My advice is to be a pussy. Your friends and your ego will tell you to lift as heavy as you can regardless if doing a squat looks like you’re doing answering the Call to Prayer. Increase the weight you use slowly and incrementally. Over time I promise that you will become stronger. You may not be able to use heavy weights as soon as other people, but you will continue to make progress long after the guy in the Kappa sweatsuit has torn his left pectoral trying to bench three plates with his little brother spotting him.  

       

Not going to lie. I kind of want this.

Be a pussy —> Become stronger —> Become not a pussy

       It’s science people. Or math. I can’t tell.

Pull twice as often as you push

       Remember that day you didn’t go on your computer, look at your phone to avoid eye contact with someone, or sit in a chair? Yeah I don’t remember that day either. Remember that time you went to the gym when you didn’t bench, do pushups, flys, bicep curls, or shoulder press? Yeah neither do I. What am I trying to prove here?

       The point I am trying to make is that your posture sucks. Frankly so does mine. This does not mean that we are without souls. Everyone knows only gingers have no souls.

       To make it simple. Every pushing motion that you do is going to make your posture worse. Every pulling exercise that you do (Besides Pullups, Chinups and Lat Pull Downs) are going to help your posture.

       Band Pull-aparts, External Rotations, Face Pulls, and Rows with a wide supplanted grip (palms facing up) are all good options when it comes to pulling motions that you should be utilizing.

       2 Pull + 1 Push = Sexy posture + No injuries

       Sorry for all the math and science so far.

Do some bodybuilding.

       To some, for me to suggest bodybuilding will seem out of character. I am a big advocate of functionality over size but sometimes adding some muscle mass can help out in a number of ways.

       Bodybuilding emphasizes rep schemes usually in around 12-15. This is to induce muscular hypertrophy. In layman’s terms: “Bro, this rep scheme will make you swole.”

This could be you after a few weeks of bodybuilding. Just make sure to take your pre-workout!

       One of the benefits of using this higher rep scheme is that it allows you to perfect the exercises that you are using. You are engraining a pattern in your mind with each rep you do that will serve you well when you are trying to grind out a 1 rep max. Kevin Darby calls this “Grooving the pattern.” The more efficiently you move the less chance you have of injuring yourself.

       Another benefit of bodybuilding is that you look jacked. I would also suggest that you start tanning. This way you can be jacked AND tan. I would also suggest you spike your hair wear a tank top and start referring to yourself as “Donny”.

Sleep.

       Sleep has gotten a bad rap in recent years. Nas says that he never sleeps ”because sleep is the cousin of death”. Arnold Schwarzenegger has been quoted saying: “Whether you sleep two hours or ten, get laid a dozen times a week or not at all, eat three meals or five, at the end of the week you look absolutely the same; there’s no difference.”

       Both of these statements are false. Sleep is essential for your health in a multitude of ways, one of which is recovery.

     

This is the closet thing I could find to a picture of Nas sleeping. He may not be lying after all. 

        In his excellent and all encompassing book on life, nutrition, and endurance, “Beyond Training”, Ben Greenfield states that:

       “Sleep is one of the most important stress fighting weapons on the face of the planet…Not only do your muscles get a chance to fully repair and recover when you’re sleeping, but the same can be said for the restoration of your adrenal glands, the detoxification of your liver, and the rebuilding of your immune system.”

       Steve Nash has said that “Sleeping well could mean the difference between putting up thirty points and living with fifteen.”

       Roger Federer is on record saying that “If I don’t sleep eleven to twelve hours a day, it’s not right.”

       You do not need to sleep 11-12 hours a day like ol’ Rog but you do need to make sleep a priority if you want to recover from your workouts and avoid injury. Shoot for 7.5-9 hours.

       Check out this wicked cool infograph for some insight into the importance professional athletes place on sleep.

http://visual.ly/sleep-be-all-star

       So there you have it 4 ways to make sure that you can lift heavy and stay injury free for years to come. Be a Pussy, Pull more than you push, body build, and take a nap. It’s not rocket science.

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