The Power of Cues

       There are exactly 11,876 different types of exercises that you can do and 10,987 of them are curl variations and shrugs.

       This can be intimidating. No one has time to learn how to do them all properly. Read on fora cheat code to do all exercises properly. 

       So you have two options. You could get help from a personal trainer, but that won’t work because they don’t know nothing. Unless it is a female personal trainer. In which case you should hire her and spend the sessions shamelessly hitting on her, flexing, and trying to give her workout tips. This is a foolproof way to look really smart, buff, and definitely score her number; who cares if she gives it to all her clients?

       So Option 1 is not going to help with learning how to exercise since you already know more than her. Option 2 is to go to your buddy who posts shirtless selfies on instagram all the time. This guy is totally ripped and he definitely uses Nair on his entire body because he looks as smooth as butter on a bald monkeys head. The only problem is that he’s going to make you pay him 50 bucks for an excel spreadsheet workout and advice like: “make intense eye contact with yourself in every mirror you see”, “wear shirts that show off your nipples”, and “Use a belt while preforming every exercise for safety and also to get a slim and trim waist”.

       Looks like you are screwed. Especially since she’s not returning your calls and your waist is looking neither slim nor trim.

       I’m feeling generous because today I am going to help you out. Here are two cues that you should use with pretty much every exercise to ensure that you won’t hurt yourself and that you get the results that you are looking for. Preforming exercises improperly is a waste of time.

SQUEEZE YOUR BUTT!

       If you are doing a pushup. Squeeze yo butt. If you are doing a dead lift. Squeeze yo butt. If you are doing a pull-up. Squeeze yo butt. If you get framed for murder after getting blackout drunk in South Beach vacation and end up in Miami State Penitentiary and you get placed in general population even though you are 130 pounds and don’t know what a afro pik is. Squeeze yo butt. At all times. Not joking.

       Squeezing your butt ensures that your spine is in a neutral alignment (not flexed or extended), it ensures that you are keeping your core engaged, and it basically forces you to do most exercises correctly.

       

The guy in the middle is squeezing his butt. Probably because the guy behind him is creepy as hell. 

       Squeezing your butt is basically a cheat code to know how to do every exercises with proper technique. But you won’t feel guilty about using this cheat code because you will get strong and won’t end up looking like a gargoyle.

CHEST UP!

       This is probably the first cue that I heard yelled at me and it worked. I was preforming a squat and was reaching the point where I regretted ever attempting to get in shape and was slowly letting the weight grind my beanpole yet supple frame into the cement. But barked command of ‘CHEST UP!” changed that and I immediately stood up and smashed a 95lb back squat PR like a gorilla lifting a massive log before tossing it at a T-Rex thereby saving his family from certain death. Felt good.

       

       This cue is good for most exercises. Squats, Pulls, Dead lifts, Bicep curls. The list goes on. Making sure that your chest is up (think of a woman showing off her chest) will ensure that, once again, you have good posture, your spine is in a neutral alignment, and that you are doing the exercises correctly. Rounding your back is always wrong in the gym and yelling chest up to yourself or to your buddy when he is squatting is a great way to finish a lift properly and safely.

       These two can be used to remind yourself that you are probably doing things wrong. Don’t be a dunce and make sure that you keep them in mind when you are working out. It will make a difference and you will get stronger. Also be a good training partner and use them judiciously when you are spotting your bro. He will thank you. Yelling ‘YOU GOT THIS!’ and ‘COME ON!’ don’t help. They just make you look like a dink. Use cues that mean something and that help you and your friends get stronger and more cool. Like me.

Good Luck.

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